So, I know that nothing is 100% with adoption. Matches fail. Things can turn on a dime. However, I feel really confident about our match and I am choosing to be positive and happy. I want to act like any awaiting mother. I want to be excited, I want to share this excitement with everyone.
I debated about announcing the news. Do we register? Do even think about having a baby shower? Someone reminded me, even though it is somewhat morbid, that no pregnancy is 100%. Things can happen too. That I should be excited and I should prepare for motherhood.
Instead of being pregnant and worrying about all the normal things expectant moms worry about, I will have alternate experience waiting for our daughter's birth. I will worry about if I will be the mom our birthmom hopes that I will be. I'll be reading books about parenting adopted children and parenting a child of another race. (Our daughter will be biracial, her biological mother is white and her biological father is black.) I will wonder what our child will look like. I will be nervous about how things will go at the hospital. And in the back of my mind, I may worry a little about whether this will really happen.
We felt a connection with this courageous, bright girl. When I asked her if we may tell people she said, "tell people I pick you and it's official." She had a big smile on her face. She gave us like five hugs and showed us her round little belly. She said she was excited too. What more could I ask for?
I know things could go not the way I hope, but I am all in and will not let myself be reserved. I am going to do all the things that any awaiting mom is supposed to do. My wait is only a little more than 3 months, ok maybe 9 years and 3 months of hoping that this would happen. It's too late anyway, I love this daughter of mine already.
illustration by Alessandro Gottardo
UPDATE: Our match failed. We are heart broken, but we are dusting ourselves off and getting back on the rollercoaster. Read about it here: http://twocatsandacradle.blogspot.com/2013/03/were-down-but-not-out.html