Friday, September 23, 2011

The Big Elephant in the Womb - Infertility

There are a few reasons why people want to adopt, our reason and the most common is infertility.  It is such an ugly word and people just don't want to talk about it. I know I haven't because it sucks.  Naturally, we wanted to birth our own children and experience the excitement of pregnancy.  I knew I had some issues, but no doctor seemed to be concerned that we would have any trouble. So we waited until we were ready.  People in Hollywood have babies well into their 40's, I could wait until at least 30, right?  30 came and went, 31, 32 went by too.  Hmm, maybe there is a problem.  And so we began the fertility treatment route in private.  We spent years at one of the most depressing places on earth - the fertility clinic, where desperation is on every one's face.  Week after week of drugs and shots and poking and prodding to be disappointed month after month.  Then there are friends and family having babies and ultrasound pictures on Facebook (sorry, I hid you) to add to your misery.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy for these people. It is just hard when your heart is aching.  This can get the most positive and happy person down and this is why I never shared too much with anyone.  I like to maintain a happy face and cry at home in private.  Marlon has an awesome shoulder to cry on.  So you get to a point where you start to think why are we doing this?  You just want off this emotional roller coaster. 

We started about talking about what other options we had.  Oh boy, do you have options.  There are donor eggs, donor sperm, and surrogates, you can adopt a frozen embryo all for a price.  But with all those options you spend a lot of money betting on nature with no guarantees. Nature hasn't been kind to me with this stuff in the past.  We knew we wanted a baby and it started not mattering so much if it was biological.  So we started researching adoption.  It is a big decision to make and we needed a little time to grieve not having biological children.  It probably took us a year to make the decision  fill out the application.

It was the Monday after Mother's Day 2011 - this year.  I didn't want to spend another mother's day wishing I was a mom.  I cannot tell you the weight that was lifted after I pressed send.  It is amazing how a sad story can instantly turn into a happy one.  I wasn't helpless anymore.  We are going to make it happen, we are going to be parents!  We have received so much support from our family and friends, it has been amazing.  People are so happy for us.  We've never done anything the conventional way, so why start now?  It has been a long road, but I believe it is the one we were are meant to be on.  Infertility sucks, but adoption rocks.

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