Monday, April 29, 2013

Oh, The Choices You Make!

So far our wait to adopt a newborn is considered an average amount of time. During the last year and a half, we have heard all kind of opinions of what kind of child we should adopt. Like we should give up on trying to adopt a newborn and just adopt an older child or adopt through foster care.  We should get a baby from "insert country here" or an African American baby like the celebrities. Or why don't you just use a surrogate. I believe these comments are intended to be good natured or helpful, but sometimes I find myself getting annoyed at them. I appreciate the interest in our adoption and welcome questions, but I feel like maybe people don't think that we have considered all of our options. Believe me when I say we have weighed the pros and cons and made an informed decision based on extensive adoption education that we've received and what's best for our family.

Making the decision to adopt is not something that you go into willy nilly. Adopting through our agency has required us to be background checked, fingerprinted, medically cleared and drug tested. We have been asked in depth questions about our marital relationship, our families, how we view ourselves and our beliefs. Our home has been inspected twice! We were given mounds and mounds of paperwork that included pages and pages of child and birth parent preferences.  We were assigned books to read about adoption and attended numerous adoption education classes.  We have considered every aspect of raising an adopted child without actually being parents yet. It takes about three months to meet the requirements to be approved as an adoptive parent.

Every adoptive parent makes choices that best fit their family.  Ideally, we'd like to adopt a white newborn from the United States that is relatively healthy at birth. Our most concrete criteria on an expectant mother is that she has not drank alcohol during her pregnancy. We are cool with an open adoption. We were recently matched with a expectant mom and the child would have been biracial, (Caucasian and African American). We felt the situation was a fit with us. The match ultimately failed, but it did make us realize that our preferences are more of a guideline than set in stone. Life sometimes surprises you and presents something so absolutely perfect, something that you didn't know you were looking for. So if you know of someone interested in making an adoption plan, let us know and we'll definitely consider it. Click here for our profile information.

Sometimes I do get defensive when people question why we want a certain type of child. I wonder if the question is merely curiosity or if you feel we should be doing something different. It's easy to say what you would do when you are not in the situation. It's far different when you are in the thick of it. So, keep your questions coming and I'll keep answering them the best I can.

12 comments:

  1. Yea, people do love to add their two cents. We got asked a lot why we didn't just adopt from Ethiopia, or from foster care. Right after the earthquake in Haiti, at least one of our friends was like, "There must be tons of orphans there now, why don't you apply?"

    *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know. I was really worried that I would get a lot of negative feedback about this post. It feels better to just say this rather than holding it in and being annoyed. I think most people that say these things really don't know much about adoption, so I nod my head and do what I want.

      Delete
  2. We get asked the same question and then before we can even answer comes, why a newborn when there are so many older children that need homes. I think that until someone cannot have a child on their own then they can't give me advice about what type of adoption I have decided is best for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for sharing! We get the same thing, you can barely get an answer out. For us, we want a newborn. I want a chance to see all those first. Some adoptive parents don't feel that's necessary for them. That's why we filled out all those forms to figure out what we wanted.

      Delete
  3. Wow, I can only imagine how difficult the process must be and how annoying those questions are.

    Just having twins last year, we received so many invasive questions, did we do invetro, fertility drugs, do twins run in our families, etc. Basically, people are snooping to see if it was "natural" or not. It was pure luck, but how about if it wasn't? Does that make it anymore unnatural?

    Best of luck!! It will happen. We tried for over a year and a half and now we have more than our hands full with two babies, so you never know what life has in store ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I try to keep a positive attitude and let those annoying questions roll. The best thing about a blog is that you can say what you feel. Most people say things not to be annoying but to help?. It's just funny what people feel comfortable saying to you. All the best to you and your sweet little ones.

      Delete
  4. Jenn... you are such a good voice for adoptive parents!

    ReplyDelete
  5. We get these questions and comments all the time too. The other day we had someone say on our facebook page that we should adopt an older child and that it was selfish to want a baby. This came from a woman that had a baby. I wanted so badly to say to her that it was selfish to have a biological baby when there are so many kids that needed homes. Instead I thanked her for calling us selfish when she knew nothing about us and told her to have a great day!She then deleted the whole conversation. I just don't get why people think that we want to hear their opinions on how we should live our lives because we are adopting. Although I think people give way too much unsolicited advice on parenting and child rearing in general!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, selfish. I would have been beyond annoyed. I don't know what motivates people to share their unsolicited advice. Most people don't really understand adoption or what you go through to get there. I say, keep your opinion to yourself unless someone asks for it or you are writing a blog!

      Delete
  6. Simply awesome. I was trolling the blogs for happy ones, and found this. Is it okay to link over here when I link to other bloggers, plan to do that in a June post. Best, TD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I am so glad people are reading this as a positive and not a negative. I was really worried about that when writing it. Of course, you are welcome to link this post. Thanks again.

      Delete

Thanks for reading Two Cats and a Cradle!

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.