Mothering Mom

This past weekend, I moved my mom into an assisted living home. After 10 years, my mom had a recurrence of breast cancer which has spread to her bone. After chemo and radiation compounded with her other health issues, she just wasn’t able to live on her own anymore. It was a tough decision, but one I feel certain was right. I’ve been making the tough decisions for my mom for about 7 years now, since my Granny passed away and left me in charge of her.

It is weird when you have a role reversal with your parents.  I am the daughter, but my mom looks to me to take care of things.  She calls me “the boss” or “the general” if she’s mad at me. I am not a mom (yet), but I sure have a lot of experience in worrying, saying no, handing out allowance, paying for necessities, cleaning rooms, giving advice, giving in and trying to make things all better.  Our relationship hasn’t always been easy. Maybe this experience will make me a better parent. 

This weekend I felt what it must feel like to drop your child off at college or camp. My sister and I bought her new sheets, towels, a TV, and a dresser. We hung family pictures and made everything really nice for her. The urge to do this was something that I really didn’t have control over. I wanted her to be happy and comfortable and not sad.  I did all this because I felt a little sad too. Sad that she had to move, sad that she isn’t able to care for herself and is losing her independence, sad that things didn’t go the way mother/daughter relationships are supposed to go for us and a little sad that I am giving my responsibility for her to someone else. What am I going to do? I actually asked the director this.  She said I am going to call her and tell her that I love her and spend time with her; they will take care of the rest.  Oh, is all I could say.  Maybe I’ll learn to be her daughter again.

After a weepy move-in day, my mom seems surprisingly happy.  She is adjusting better than I expected.  This is a good thing.  Maybe now that I don’t have to worry so much about her, I can take a moment to breathe.  I can now really focus on us starting a family through adoption. Yes, I think this is a good thing.

♥ Our puzzle piece fundraiser is still going strong! Click on the fundraiser tab to get your puzzle piece! Or if you simply want to make a donation, click on the Donate button on the left. Thank you!