The Great Outdoors

To celebrate 4th of July weekend, we went camping! Honestly, I can't remember the last time we headed out into the great outdoors for a camping weekend. It's been at least a year, maybe two. We're "car campers" and I have a few requirements - 2 night maximum in a tent, a bathroom (port-a-potty is fine), an air mattress and of course, s'mores. A few months back, Marlon had found online an Icelandic Horse farm in Vermont, so I thought camping near the horse farm would be the perfect weekend! I booked a reservation at Allis State Park and we packed up the car and headed out early.

We made it to Vermont early enough to set up camp and make our 2 pm trail ride. I was so excited and nervous about riding a horse. I haven't rode a horse since I was about 12 at Triple R Ranch. Icelandic horses are a smaller breed and are known to be friendly and docile. On my release form, I marked novice as my experience and tried to act confident. It only took two tries to hop on the horse.  My horse was calm and patient with me. Marlon was a natural, of course. It was so much fun!

After the ride, we stopped at the grocery store for our campsite food. It was kind of late, so we ate dinner out instead of going back to camp to cook on the fire. We were pooped from the ride. Don't judge.

Before we left I posted on Facebook, "We're going camping, what I am forgetting?" I got a ton of great responses and brought everything that was suggested. You know what no one suggested? A jacket or sweatshirt. It was freezing that first night in the tent. Mountains in Vermont = chilly.  I had to resort to adding beach towels on top of my blanket to keep warm. The next morning, I said we have to go shopping. I'm too cold. We cooked breakfast over the fire, I sat with my blanket around me. We jumped in the car and went to TJ Maxx and Big Lots to buy a sweatshirt and a comforter. I know.... After our purchases, we went straight back to the campground to do camping things. We took a hike, climbed a fire tower, sat around our fire and ate everything.  It was nice to get away from the city and distractions and spend time together. I can't wait to go again! I think we have everything now.

If you or someone that you know is thinking about making an adoption plan. Please feel free to contact us or share our story. Thank you.

Patience, rabbit

Waiting... it's a part of adoption that tests you. We've been waiting almost 3 years to adopt and much longer to have a family. When you are in constant state of waiting, life passes you by. All of the adoption professionals that we have spoken with along the way have encouraged us go out and have fun while we wait. "It's only going to be the two of you for a little while longer." That's easier said than done. Marlon and I have been together 23 years, so we feel like we've done it all as couple. I'm sure we haven't, but we're ready for the next chapter. The longer we wait, our thoughts or (excuses) for not doing things are we don't want to spend extra money to go out, don't want to be away in case someone calls or just felt like avoiding some outings. If you are not careful, the waiting can consume you.

Recently, we've made a conscious effort to start living life again. Personally, I was letting the wait get to me. This year, we went on a real vacation, went camping, rode horses, attended a family reunion, and started hanging out with friends again. I even accepted a position to be the president of our national family association. It has made a big difference. Staring at the phone all day or checking email a 100 times a day hoping to hear from someone, anyone is not healthy. I know I was beginning to drive myself crazy. If someone calls while we're out, we'll answer it. Marlon said, I feel like we're our normal selves again.

Adoption is not easy. Waiting is not easy. But I am 100% sure it will be worth it. My mom would always tell me when I was a kid, "patience, rabbit." I am trying.

If you or someone that you know is thinking about making an adoption plan. Please feel free to contact us or share our story. Thank you.

The Adoption Blues

I haven't written in awhile. Mostly because I don't want to share when I feel down about our adoption journey and a little because my character and ethics were questioned from previous posts. Thank you to those that quickly rose to my defense. Private adoption is very different to navigate versus one with an agency. I am doing my best to share our personal experience and learning along the way.

It's a hard time of year for those longing for a child. Mother's Day and Father's Day are especially hard to lump. Marlon was a dad last year and now he's not. It's been a year since we first thought we were going to be parents. I keep comparing last summer to this summer. We would be celebrating Ian and Ada's first birthday. I try to push those thoughts down, but it's hard to do. We bonded with them. They'll never remember us, but we'll never forget them.

I keep telling myself that we were there when they needed us and to move forward. We have, but I still think about them and what happened.  What have I learned from going through this loss? Sometimes I feel embarrassed for being so naive, for wanting something so badly that I didn't question why it wasn't right from the beginning. I relied on what we were told versus finding out for myself.  I didn't know and now I do. I get down in the dumps because it's been three years of waiting and we still don't have a child. I think, what's wrong with us? Last year we weren't really waiting, we were matched twice and then we had to take some time off.  My logical self understands this, but emotional self is weary. It's like holding your breath for years. Waiting for something to happen. The few times we've talked to expectant mothers recently, it hasn't resulted in anything. We've heard of situations, but it's out of our budget and we can't be considered. We're still paying off the disruption. I am trying to find a balance between hope and disappointment.

In meantime, we fill our time with keeping busy visiting family, camping and summer activities. If you are busy, your mind doesn't have a chance to drift to that negative space. My normal optimistic self pushes hard to overcome the adoption blues. Each day we put ourselves out there, letting anyone who will listen that we are hoping to adopt. Every adoption story is different.  Ours has had a few more twists and turns. I keep reminding myself that the last experience won't be the next experience and not to compare. We're still hanging in there waiting for our kid.

Comments or Questions? Email me - twocatsandacradle@gmail.com

If you or someone that you know is thinking about making an adoption plan. Please feel free to contact us or share our story. Thank you.